2020 COVID19 Quarantine Rant

So like everyone else during this quarantine, I'm going a little insane being at home. I can't help but think about my last moments as a free woman…haha, only messing. In particular, I keep recalling a certain memory that happened a few weeks ago with my brother. He made a comment that truly struck a nerve, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT IT STILL BOTHERS ME TODAY.

He said, "...if you did your make up every day you'd have a boyfriend by now, shit maybe even a husband". It's no surprise to everyone in my family that I'm single. I'm a 32-year-old woman who decided to focus more on her career rather than her love life. It doesn't mean I haven't had any boyfriends, because I have. Some were super serious, my last relationship lasted six years- and some were not. But even then, for some reason, my bro's statement made my blood boil! Especially because he said it so matter-of-factly.

I SPAT back, "The reason I don't wear make up is because as much confidence as it gives me when I’m wearing it, it takes a significant amount, if not more, away when it comes off." My brother (and the rest of my nosey family members that were listening) kinda chuckled and kinda blew me off. It was like they said, "hey that was a really good comeback, but it's not what we wanted to hear so let's move on" AHHHHH! I wanted to screaaammmm!

Why is it bothering me so much? It is because deep down I know it's true? If I actually fixed myself up everyday I'd like to believe I'd have someone special, but in all honesty that's NOT what I want them to notice first about me... I want them to want me, the real, makeup less me-- Lord, maybe I AM asking for too much. What do y'all think? Be honest. If you have a Twitter, let's chat @Dhyanuh

Saying goodbye to 2019 and hello to 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As great as 2019 was to me (well in all honesty, it started off really bad especially the month of feb, feb can suck a d*, but it ended up being one of my FAVORITE years ever), I wholeheartedly believe 2020 will be much much better. With that being said, there's some changes I have to make in order for this to happen.

10 Things You Need to Do Before the End of the Year

1. Get my health in order: from personal experience, this is an easy thing to put off. But I've learned that this is the one area where it’s not ok to push things off. I just need to get my affairs in order and schedule the physical, visit the dentist, get my eyes checked… I just need to get it done.

2. Clean out my closet: I always put this off and now my closet looks like a bunker set to last me the whole upcoming decade. I can't put this off until spring, haha!

3. Let go of harboring resentments: I need to learn to let go of the things that don’t serve ME. I need to go into this new year, this new decade, with a clean slate and an open heart.

4. Make the people who fuel me feel special: You know who you are. You're the person that matters most to me. I can only pray I matter to you too. Nonetheless, I want to take the time to really honor my special relationships with family and friends. I want you to know that you matter to me and that I am so very thankful for you.

5. Plan a trip: If you know me in any way, shape, or form, you know this would be my fifth goal 😂 trips always make me happy.

6.  Let go of the idea that I don't deserve anything: The awesome thing about being human is that every single morning is a fresh start. Lately, I've gotten this idea into my head that I don't deserve to be happy because of past mistakes. I need to learn to kick that idea OUT! I often forget that we are not bound by our past. I want to take my first few steps towards change.

7. Blog more: I used to set time apart everyday just to sit down and blog, and I used to love it. I need to bring that small joy back to life.

8. Read more: I am setting my goodreads goal to 25 books. Shouldn't be too hard. I used to read voraciously until social media began sucking up a lot of my time. I’m going to be changing that.

9. Learn a new skill: I need to take advantage of all of the information that exists out there on how to learn new skills quickly and reach the end of 2020 with a couple of new skills under my belt. Knitting, instruments, painting? the possibilities are endless.

10. Sleep, patience and water: Literally what the title says. I need to develop a healthy sleeping schedule, I need to have more patience (both at work and at home), and I need to drink more water and less coffee.